We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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