We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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