Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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