What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
