God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
