I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
