i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
