My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
