she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
