We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
