I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
