I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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