I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
