..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Welp...herpes.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
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