and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
