I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
