I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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