i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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