Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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