you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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