my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize