i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
