I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
