P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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