dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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