all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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