Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
