the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
