Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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