Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Someone signed my nipple.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize