end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize