Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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