I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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