from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
