my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
