Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
