Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize