She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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