Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
