I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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