plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
