You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
