So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
