He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We smell like vodka and hangover
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