Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
