Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
