i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your topless pictures make me question reality
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
