Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
