new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
