You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize