69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
