apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
