is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
