you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
