I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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