i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize