his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
