We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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