I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
is it fun? or sober?
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