oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
