Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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