how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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