Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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