let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need moral support for this bender
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
